Saturday, May 05, 2007

Has It Been FOUR YEARS Already?

Last weekend was the 4 year anniversary of my Mother's passing.

My God - - has it been that long?

It seems like just the other day Dear Hubby and I were up at the hospital with Dad and the rest of the family - - waiting . . . watching . . . hoping against hope that she would mend and be back with us. But it was not to be.

Then there were the phone calls, and the arrangements, and the family flying in from far away . . .

And it just all seemed so surreal - - like it was happening to someone else. But it wasn't; it was happening to me.

I had lost my Mom.

I don't think it really hit me until about a week later - - I was off work for the whole week, and went back to work the following week. The first day back was - - well - - okay, I guess. It was a bit rough, but I made it through the day.

I thought, "Hey, I'm getting through this all right! It's all gonna be okay!"

Then the next day came.

I woke up feeling like things were just not quite right. I had not slept well, with lots of really strange dreams. I got ready and went into work. Before heading to the office, I went to the mailroom to buy some stamps. Marilyn looked at me and said, "Do you feel all right?" (or something to that effect). I just said, "No" - - and then just burst into tears. Marilyn then said soemthing like, "Then why are you here? Go home!" At that point, I totally agreed with her, and almost ran out of the building.

Once I was back in my car, I sat there for about 15 minutes before the tears slowed down. Then I called my co-worker, Betty, and started to tell her what was going on, but before I could finish, I started crying again. Dear Betty, bless her, she immediately understood what was happening. She just said, "Go home. See you tomorrow."

Once the crying stopped (again), I drove home, got back in to my pajamas, went to bed, and stayed there the whole day.

Dear God, I missed my Mom so much right then.

I still do.

Guess I'm not as "tough" as I try to pretend to be sometimes . . .

I love you, Mom.

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